My blog posts are less consistent than C.G.P. Grey’s upload schedule. In my defense though he does that full time and I do this because… reasons? I’m not really sure why, I just like writing my thoughts down somewhere I guess.

It has been some time since I last wrote, which is for once in the last year and a half due to laziness as opposed to a lack of time. I spent the summer living in Ottawa on my first engineering work term, which consisted mainly of me working, eating and sleeping for four months, except for the week I flew to California to race a hyperloop pod at SpaceX somehow. Since then I’ve been back in Newfoundland completing my third term of electrical engineering, a.k.a. the one where they actually start teaching you stuff. Also the term where every course is ordinary differential equations or complex numbers suddenly. Yay!

The title of this post was “Why I Don’t Want to be a Software Developer Anymore,” alluding to what my topic was before I went and re-read my last thousand words on the subject and realized I’d already said everything that needs to be said. I was going to say that I had realized the reason I didn’t want to be a software developer was that the only software I really wanted to work on pre-2014 Minecraft and that was obviously not going to happen (what with it not being pre-2014 anymore). It turns out that I had that figured out in early 2018 and somehow forgot it between then and now.

I’ve been feeling even more nostalgic than normal lately, and that period of is usually what I am nostalgic for. It’s strange, my life has improved since then in almost every way I can think of, and I have no reason to miss being an awkward teenager who stayed in their room ninety percent of the time and idolized video game developers. The conclusion I’ve reached is that at some point, despite my best efforts to the contrary, I grew up a bit, and I hate that.

In the middle of my final year of high school I had the surprisingly astute idea to write myself a letter about who I am, because I realized that in time I would change and have a hard time remembering what it was like to be my younger self. Looking back at it now I was shockingly right, and I find it challenging to connect with the person who wrote it. This surprises me because I have no memory of the change between then and now, but I can see that it happened. The worst part of growing up, I have discovered, is that you don’t realize that it happened until it is too late, and then there’s not real way to go back. That, and you work out that adults are boring for a reason.

So here I am, feeling like I changed who I was at some point, which leaves me quite unsure who I am. I still like programming things and building things so I suppose I will keep doing that for the time being. Maybe I should write more, we will see.